l ♥ v e

So my boyfriend and I are getting a place together in the next couple of months and oh my gosh...I am just so overly excited. My parents are completely fine with it which is super nice. I just can't wait. My boyfriend works on the rigs so we can't look at places right away, but a couple weeks :) And were gonna go buy stuff for our place soon too! I am so excited, you don't even know. Finally I'm starting my life just the way I want to and with the guy I love and want to spend my life with. 

Maybe I just love you too much. So much that it hurts. I'm literally going crazy and you don't even realize how much I love you. You say you know how much, but really you don't. It's like a fire going inside of me burning more and more everyday. It grows bigger and stronger every second. It's like I can't control it anymore. Your love has taken over me and my love for you is incredible. I love this feeling, so much. I get scared of losing you, but I hope you know I won't let you go. This love hurts, but it's the best hurt ever. I never want it to leave. So tell me, is it possible to love someone too much? 

In order to love anyone else, you must love yourself first. Over my life I have been struggling to find myself and to find peace within myself. I've always hated the way I look...and when I say I hate they way I look, I mean how I look naturally. Many women have this natural beauty and I have always been jealous. They just wake up with perfect hair and a perfect face. I know that everyone has to try and that no one is perfect, but there are tons of people who are naturally beautiful. Guys and girls. I find that people automatically judge someone by the way they look, act or dress. I've always hated that. It's so stupid to judge someone on how they were born. Although everyone has done this...made fun of someone for how they look. I've done it myself and I regret many things I have said. No one can help the way they look or how they act. It's just the way they are. Obviously some people can help the way they look by good hygiene or getting a haircut for their own benefit. I just can't stop hating the way I look though. I never want to go out in public cuz of how I look. I used to love swimming, but its hard for me now cuz when I go in the water then everything just comes right off. All the makeup I put on to hide my true self comes off to show me naturally. When I played rugby for the past two years, there was tons of tackling and mud and the heat makes everyone all sweaty which also wore down my makeup to show what was underneath. Even with cheerleading, when we went to competitions I felt so ugly. I'm tall and skinny with an unattractive face. Every other girl was so barbie like. I wouldn't care so much if I didn't get the looks from people that I do. People tell me I'm beautiful lots, but I just tell them that they haven't seen me natural.
Just recently, I've become a bit more stronger of a person. I've grown to love myself more and find the beauty in myself. I love how toned I am and that I am naturally thin. I love that I am tall. I have quite a flat chest, but that's okay cuz I can usually wear almost anything. My smile is really nice too...perfectly straight teeth and white. I also think I have a great personality. I love making people laugh and just having a good time. I'm a very loud person and always have something to say about everything. I care so much about people though which is sometimes a downside cuz I always end up pleasing others before pleasing myself. I've tried to put myself first, but its still hard.
Last October, I met the guy of my dreams, which I'm sure most of you know from basically all of my posts. I'm a bit obsessed with love. Not too hard to see that. Like I started this post with, you must love yourself before loving anyone else. I'm gonna be honest though, I didn't love myself before falling in love with the guy I'm dating now. He's made me love myself though. He's honestly helped me so much. No matter how I look, he still loves me and that is such an amazing feeling. I get really emotional about it all cuz of how much he's made an impact on me and my life. Its just nice to be with someone that loves you for who you are. So I thank him for helping me find myself and come to love myself for who I am. I truly love this man. I feel incredible because of him. I'm gonna love him forever and ever cuz I know he's the one...I can just feel it. He's the first guy I've been comfortable with to just be myself around and oh my goodness, I couldn't be happier.
So basically, I made this post for anyone out there who is having troubles finding themselves or struggling with the way they look. Everyone is beautiful, both inside and out. Everyone is also different, but that's what makes us all unique. Don't hate yourself because you don't look a certain way and don't hate yourself because you do look a certain way. Be confident today and every day after. Look towards the future in a positive way cuz life is too short to be upset. Live your life to the fullest and smile...a smile is the most beautiful thing you can wear.

So you know when you have to go home after you spent some time with the person you love? And it's so hard to say goodbye cuz you just can't get enough of them? Well that happens to me every time I leave my boyfriend. It seems like it gets tougher after every night or day I see him. All I want to do is keep kissing him and never leave his side, but I have to go sooner or later and I just hate it. Kissing him is so amazing! It's definitely one of my favourite things in life right now. I always seem to get home later and later cuz we never have enough time to say goodbye. We go to the front door and say goodbye and do a bit of kissing and then I tell him I have to go, but then one little kiss leads to the next and I start walking away, but then quickly run back and give him another kiss. Its like, okay just one more! But one more usually means several more. It really is hard to leave the one you love! So hard! I'm just so excited to move in with him though. Then I can see him everyday and will never have to worry about getting back home on time. I can just stay curled up in bed with him instead. I'm so excited for mine and his future. It'll be the greatest. I love him so much.  

& just like raindrops, you feel so good upon my lips.